it won't come to love, my heroine pretend
Jan. 17th, 2005 05:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iceinyourmusicCoffee at E. with T. who is leaving for Bp.
The weighing of the options (parts 1-4)
1 anagnorisis
If you asked me if I like jazz music I could say "I dabble" and you would know not to ask any more. Or I could say "well I like Stan Getz" and immediately we would both recognize me as the most boring person in the world. Make your own denouement.
2 end of a project
As I have mentioned, I ventured to ask myself, the other day, whether I was already sick of the reading list project and ought to give it up. Myself answered - well, it didn't so much answer as fail to look up from the newspaper it was perusing. Quite the contrary: it leaned back in its chair and propped its feet up on the table. After a minute, however, I could make out that the tip of one of its shoes was pointing up towards the corner, where (I discovered) it had lit up the usual flashing sign saying [WHEN IN DOUBT, BE A QUITTER]. I had the unpleasant feeling that I was being made fun of, and wanted to speak up, but found I had not the words. A moment passed, and as it became obvious that no more communication was to take place between us (Self had lit a cigarette, I could see the smoke rising from behind the newspaper), I backed out of the room. The secretary was already waiting with my hat in her hand. Again, I wanted to protest this insulting treatment, but found myself quite mute. So I took the hat, pulled it deep onto my head, and ran down the stairs and out into the street, where I was promptly run over by a chaise and four.
3 number three
Should I apply for the Finnish-Hungarian Society traineeship again this spring. Should I not.
pro: Nothing else makes any sense.
con: I'd not get it. It would be too late to get a real summer job at that point. (I could write my thesis instead?) The money would be bad either way.
Oh to once consider something without this marinade of panic and weariness. Silly girl.
4 le derrida est mort; vive le derrida
(Is it anything but a waste of my time to take yet another class on postmodernist historical novel, when I could have delivered both the course outline and the entire first lecture verbatim by heart. But I have nothing else coinciding with the classes, and it would be easy credit, since I do know many of these things already, and since I have already done all the required reading. Unless I'm to get ambitious and choose, instead, all the books I haven't read. Um, right. And well I do seem peculiarly attached to the genre.) But what was the misguided self-destructive impulse that lead me to sign up [wait for two hours in unruly crowd in November - uncharacteristically take charge out of annoyance - listen up boys and girls can we get a line here - a headrush of power when they obeyed] for this seminar-type thing, Bluebeard-themed, that starts tomorrow? The subject is interesting, to be sure, but there will most likely be almost-weekly writing assignments and we know how much I love those.
Bought a calendar, too, today. Also, you'd think one would stop being amused by certain things much faster than I have, it seems.
The weighing of the options (parts 1-4)
1 anagnorisis
If you asked me if I like jazz music I could say "I dabble" and you would know not to ask any more. Or I could say "well I like Stan Getz" and immediately we would both recognize me as the most boring person in the world. Make your own denouement.
2 end of a project
As I have mentioned, I ventured to ask myself, the other day, whether I was already sick of the reading list project and ought to give it up. Myself answered - well, it didn't so much answer as fail to look up from the newspaper it was perusing. Quite the contrary: it leaned back in its chair and propped its feet up on the table. After a minute, however, I could make out that the tip of one of its shoes was pointing up towards the corner, where (I discovered) it had lit up the usual flashing sign saying [WHEN IN DOUBT, BE A QUITTER]. I had the unpleasant feeling that I was being made fun of, and wanted to speak up, but found I had not the words. A moment passed, and as it became obvious that no more communication was to take place between us (Self had lit a cigarette, I could see the smoke rising from behind the newspaper), I backed out of the room. The secretary was already waiting with my hat in her hand. Again, I wanted to protest this insulting treatment, but found myself quite mute. So I took the hat, pulled it deep onto my head, and ran down the stairs and out into the street, where I was promptly run over by a chaise and four.
3 number three
Should I apply for the Finnish-Hungarian Society traineeship again this spring. Should I not.
pro: Nothing else makes any sense.
con: I'd not get it. It would be too late to get a real summer job at that point. (I could write my thesis instead?) The money would be bad either way.
Oh to once consider something without this marinade of panic and weariness. Silly girl.
4 le derrida est mort; vive le derrida
(Is it anything but a waste of my time to take yet another class on postmodernist historical novel, when I could have delivered both the course outline and the entire first lecture verbatim by heart. But I have nothing else coinciding with the classes, and it would be easy credit, since I do know many of these things already, and since I have already done all the required reading. Unless I'm to get ambitious and choose, instead, all the books I haven't read. Um, right. And well I do seem peculiarly attached to the genre.) But what was the misguided self-destructive impulse that lead me to sign up [wait for two hours in unruly crowd in November - uncharacteristically take charge out of annoyance - listen up boys and girls can we get a line here - a headrush of power when they obeyed] for this seminar-type thing, Bluebeard-themed, that starts tomorrow? The subject is interesting, to be sure, but there will most likely be almost-weekly writing assignments and we know how much I love those.
Bought a calendar, too, today. Also, you'd think one would stop being amused by certain things much faster than I have, it seems.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-17 07:17 pm (UTC)*pets your brain; feeds it tea and biscuits*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 06:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-17 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 06:18 am (UTC)and, yes. Taking interesting, cool, stimulating classes is good for the soul (though not so good towards motivating one into graduating [read: into forfeiting one's right to continue taking cool classes]. *cough*)