There's a thought -

- running laps somewhere in my consciousness, and I can't can't catch it, and it's important, somehow, this much I know.

Finally saw Gosford Park today. Didn't care that much for the big picture, but there was plenty Good in the details. Was surprised by how much I liked Emily Watson.

Been trying to read Homer now. I'd really like to be a good girl, for a change. Because, you see, fact is - in a whole number of ways, I'm stuck in a place where I take and take and take and give nothing in return. Which leaves me with a lot of Nice Things, but basically unable to get over the thought that I must be creating this great karmic vacuum around myself, and that it must eventually grow big and empty enough to suck me in and swallow me whole. I don't know. Maybe I should have gone to med school.

Still, wish I could catch that thought.

PS

(So I have guilt, I have big-time, legitimate guilt over - get this - posting twice in a day, cluttering people's friends views, and that's not working, no. But. I'm so out of touch with this now. Blogging's been quite the movable feast for me from day one, and absurd to boot - third place in three months, right now I feel more like on vacation at the grand summer villa than at home, looking around, testing the waters, trying not to break the crystals, making too much noise, saying strange things, and I still haven't even justified it all to myself, the very basic concept of it. Why the hell do we blog, anyway? Why do I? Sometimes I suspect it's just an exercise in commitment - whenever my urge to delete it all and delete myself (as far as my online existence goes) hits me, I'm not allowed, because that's the deal I made. But that doesn't explain it. Testing the waters, trying to remember where I am when I wake up in the morning. Maybe getting on with picking the furniture would help.)